One must imagine Sisyphus genuinely happy for his friends who have successfully rolled their boulders over the other side of the hill. One must imagine Sisyphus saying, “you deserve this bb!” and thinking, “if they can do it, so can I.”

 

One must imagine Sisyphus has been listening to a lot of inspirational podcasts lately. One must imagine Sisyphus’ favorite podcast is called, “Rock It: How to Push That Boulder - and Yourself - to the Limit!” It is co-hosted by a boulder-pusher from the era where boulders were fifty pounds lighter and a girl whose dad used to push boulders. One must imagine that the podcast is sponsored by Gravity. 

 

One must imagine Sisyphus making a vision board. One must imagine Sisyphus printing out a picture of a boulder balanced perfectly on top of the mountain, and then pasting a photo of himself, smiling, over it. You know, so he can really envision it. Really believing it is the key thing. One must imagine Sisyphus taping the vision board to his bathroom mirror and looking at it every day.

 

One must imagine Sisyphus having his birth chart read by this astrologer his friend swears by. One must imagine that Sisyphus learned he has Pluto in his 10th house, which can lead to difficulty with authority figures at your place of work. One must imagine Sisyphus paying an Etsy witch twenty bucks for a curative blessing to counter balance this difficult placement. One must imagine Sisyphus feeling this helped. 

 

One must imagine Sisyphus setting screen time limits so he doesn’t get caught in an endless doom scroll. One must imagine Sisyphus believing that rolling his boulder is a form of protest. One must imagine Sisyphus telling himself, if he stops rolling his boulder, the fascists win. 

 

One must imagine Sisyphus buying himself little treats. One must imagine Sisyphus in line at Cha Cha Matcha and La La Land Kind Cafe. One must imagine Sisyphus opening an Exciting Macaron Labubu. One must imagine Sisyphus trying Dubai chocolate. One must imagine Sisyphus thinking, “I dunno if this lives up to the hype”, but eating the whole thing anyway. It cost $24. 

 

One must imagine Sisyphus finding a journal from his childhood. “One must imagine that when I grow up, I will push boulders up mountains,” wrote Sisyphus, age 10. One must imagine Sisyphus on his best days, thinking, “I push boulders up mountains. I am making my childhood dream come true.” One must further imagine Sisyphus on his worst days, thinking, “dumbass kid should have been more specific”. 

 

One must imagine Sisyphus believes he is happier rolling boulders than he would be doing anything else. One must imagine Sisyphus saying, “this boulder ain’t gonna roll itself!” One must imagine Sisyphus does not believe that AI could ever truly roll a boulder. One must imagine Sisyphus has friends who would kill to roll boulders. One must imagine Sisyphus knows how many people would love to take his place. One must imagine Sisyphus is grateful, you know? And yes, one must imagine Sisyphus happy. 

 

But still, one must imagine Sisyphus occasionally looks into grad school.